A Birthday Letter for Jo
First of all, hi, I guess..
It’s me again.
By the way, I never feel awkward writing a letter before, as you know even in real life interactions I always speak up my mind. But writing this letter knowing that you would probably find this cheesy makes me feel kinda weird.
But imma continue anyway.
Wait, even from the very beginning I’ve already felt the urge to over-explain and write a clear disclaimer so that you won’t get the wrong idea about this (remember that I said I will always try to make you feel safe interacting with me —this one is also an attempt).
I know you’re allergic to any kinds of love. But I can guarantee that this didn’t come from a place of love, but compassion — which I also have for everyone else. Hope this disclaimer could give you a sense of ease, knowing that I didn’t write this out of baper-ness — something that you’re always scared of.
To be honest, I’m not sure if we’re that close at the level of remembering and wishing birthday to each other, I’m not even sure that you would consider me a friend, let alone a close one. But you could take it as a payback, that I’m returning the favor because you wished me happy birthday a couple of months ago.
It was never that complicated but our relationship never seem to fall under a label. Not quite friends; as we don’t talk enough. Yet not quite strangers; as we know too much about each other — something that we shouldn’t. You have always been afraid of me (and anyone else) getting attached, but lemme tell you it was never a romantic love, it was (and always has been) deep empathy and intense sexual attraction — which is definitely not platonic either.
At our first encounter, which was on your last birthday, I was surprised that you trusted me by telling stories you never told to anyone else other than your therapist. I felt a secondhand sense of relief seeing you let out those feelings that you had been bottling up for nearly your whole existence.
That was when I found that we’re so different yet so alike.
We never had a chance to talk deeply face to face after that night.
The last state of being that I knew about you was, that you survived 2022’s layoff waves and you were safe from being let go of by your company. I never heard from you after that, other than your weeb-related-contents on your Instagram story updates.
Are you doing and feeling better now? How is your love life? Is there any progress? Have you finally let your guards down? Have you finally gained courage and safety to love and to be loved? Are you currently seeing someone? Do you have a new crush? Or did you finally manage to confess to your old crush? How many Gundam collections that you have now? What happened to your favorite character on the latest One Piece episode?
I never get to ask.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I just assumed that you’re lonely or maybe feeling blues so I’m trying to make you feel less lonely on your birthday. Yea, basically I’m just self-projecting because I always get birthday blues and I just wished I had someone to talk to on my birthdays. A sense of being celebrated is always nice, don’t you think so? At least, that’s what I thought.
If that’s not the case, then, good for you.
I don’t have any specific wishes for you, all these long ass paragraphs are basically just me blabbering nonsense.
but of all the broken souls that I met, I wish you peace more than anyone else.
Finally, Happy Birthday!
-nad