A Letter to My Future Boyfriend
May 31, 2021
Hi, my love!
How was your day? To sum up everything, mine was a blah day.
This day, my favorite K-pop boys released their 2nd full album. Since the day I discovered them, I have always been excited about them and their works. The night before, I couldn’t sleep because I was too excited and couldn’t wait any longer to get to listen to their new releases.
The boys’ vocals were amazing as always, as expected. The title track was pretty cool except for some parts that didn’t feel quite right. Ya know how picky I am when it comes to music, right? The part that bothered me most was the trap kicks in the intro and second verse, it ruined its overall rock vibe, I know it’s common in K-pop songs to add that to give the song a ‘dancey’ element. But still, it’s annoying. Also the bridge after second chorus, it was something of an anticlimax to the song for me. It should have been executed better.
What annoyed me more was the fact that I didn’t get hooked on their B-sides either this time. The electronic sound treatment, the vocal over-processing, the hyper-pop infusion, you know it very well that those are not my cup of tea. Since it’s an experimental album, I’m happy my boys get the chance to try something new and explore more but sadly it’s not the kind of music I would listen to. And I feel bad to the boys :(
It’s not that serious but you know I could be so whiny over just a damn song arrangement. I know nothing about playing any musical instruments let alone music producing but I always think I have a good ear to be a producer. If reincarnation is real, I want to be born as a music producer in my next lifetime.
Sorry for the rant, but I wish I met you sooner so I can have a discussion partner right now to talk about everything I’m passionate about.
If you happen to be my lover, I assume you must be interested in this kind of topic too, unless there is no way we could ever get along in the first place.
I want to talk about what’s your favorite song, what kind of music are you if you were a song, how it would have been had Ahmad Dhani not gotten himself into politics and kept on making music instead, or how the fuck did a guitarist end up being a commissioner of BUMN??
Currently, I have been working on something, you will know when the time comes. Anyway, do you believe in divine timing? I do believe in it tho, but I’m struggling with self doubt right now, sometimes it’s manageable but sometimes I feel like it consumes me. I started questioning everything, the hows, the shoulds, the whens, and the what ifs. At least, I just found out my whys two weeks ago lol. I know I can do this, I can make it till the end, but all I want right now is a little bit of certainty. I wish you were already here so you can give the reassurance that I need.
My love, just in case you ever wonder what kind of person I am, well, I don’t have the answer either. I’m having an identity crisis right now. Once we get to know each other better and deeper, I would tell you that I really hate the person I was. I hate who I used to be, am no longer that girl. The person I am today is better, but still, nowhere near the ideal self I have always dreamed of. However, I’m really trying to give myself a reward for every small improvements that I made.
Since I’m progressing toward a better state of being, personally and spiritually, my personal values change. With my current values, I find some things in my life are no longer as fulfilling as they used to be. Some don’t sit in alignment with my current values, some just no longer serve me. Some are losing their meanings, the rest is just me choosing to no longer settle for meaningless stuffs —I always hate everything shallow and superficial but I will tell you later the reasons behind my previous settlement for the less.
Some things, some ideas, some relationships, some people, they gradually drift away. Maybe we’re no longer a vibrational match to each other now.
It may be worth it. I convince myself that it’s a blessing in the making. I promise that the me you are going to see is the best version of myself, the coolest person you would ever meet!
Someone said, healing can be a lonely journey. But I feel so alone right now, wish you were already here at this moment.
Anyway, my love, it’s past midnight here now. What time is it where you are? Do we share the same time zones?
I used to imagine all the possibilities of our meeting, I hope it’s not in the hopeless place. I always pray to the universe for us to meet at the best timing, in the best possible encounter.
Take care my love, until we finally meet!
Your girl,
Nadya